It takes two to tango, but in Lagos, three to thrive is better. An outsider (or better called side lover) is needed to run the affairs of the home successfully; albeit in secrecy. The number of women and men caught in the web of marital infidelity is on the high, and don’t be surprised if your neighbor and your spouse are doing it secretly, and roughly.
Nigeria; Africa’s largest country by economy and population is home to thirty-seven million households, according to the 2018 McKinsey’s research, with one-fifth of those homes domiciled in Lagos; Africa’s most populous city, alone. But from this large number of households in Africa’s most populous city, majority seem to fancy the idea of having a sex partner who comes in handy when the main partner is not available. This is not only applicable to either of the sexes, but both (or say husband and wife) enjoy the services of these sex partners, many of whom are kept secret from the marriage. Afrilens News Abiodun Olumide Daniels and Charity Ndukwe uncover some gory details about the unholy affairs going on in Lagos homes.
Ms. Angela is a 42-year old mother of 3 married to her 45 year old engineer husband. She has been in the marriage for nearly 15 years and has had her fair share of both good and bad experiences in the marriage, but she accepts that hers is a model marriage which she prays for to keep for as long as she lives. She also has Ray, her side lover, who helps ‘fuel it’ when Oga (meaning boss; the nickname she prefers to call her husband) is not around. Asked why and how she resorted to having an extra-marital affair, she replied that “it is the best way to keep my marriage working since he (her husband) is not always around because of his work”.
In a further chat with her, she maintained that her extra-marital affair with Ray is not because she lacks any proper care or finance which her husband always makes sure she has access to, but that “the one thing her husband does not show her is what he (Ray) stands for. He gives me the way I want it and wherever I want it”. She was referring to her sexual escapade with Ray; her side lover.
Ms. Angela is not the only woman entangled in this web of secret extra-marital affairs. Mrs. Rowland is another woman who finds herself involved and soaked in this web, and is currently considering divorcing her husband of seven years with whom she has two kids as the side man in her life (she wouldn’t mention his name for fear of been published) seems to be better in everything than her current man. As she opined, “he is thick, long within and without and makes me drool every time. He is also rich and handsome, and his pocket is also deep, like his thing”. Asking us “who no like better thing? Abi na to come suffer my parents tell me make I come do for here?” (Meaning: who does not like good things? Or did ‘my’ parents tell me to come here for suffering?) Obviously, she is in this affair for what it is and what it promises: her side man has all the attributes she wants and seeks for in a man.
Going further down south to the Island where we have the crème-de-la-crème of the Nigerian society, we met Mr. Johnson, a telecoms expert in one of the large telecoms firms in the state open up to us about his own side of this private affair he shrouds in secrecy. He explained that he “started having extra-marital affairs since I (he) came to know about my (his)wife’s affairs with those young boys she met on Facebook and Instagram”. He explained further that “one even texted her after we have had a good time together as a couple in the middle of the night that he loves her p*ssy and since then, I cannot help it but find a way to pay her back too after trying everything I could to make her stop such demeaning behaviour.” And seriously, he did pay her back. “My mistress (referring to his side lover) is one of her friends, and we have been going out now for over six months”. Asked if the wife knew of the affair since he wanted to use it as a lesson to her in paying her back the same coin as she did to him, he said he “tries to keep it a secret for now until maybe she comes to know about it herself”.
In Mr. Johnson, we saw a man determined to punish his wife for engaging in sexual infidelity by doing the same thing himself. Something most men in his caliber accept to be the perfect punishment to mete out to their erring wives.
THE LEAGUE OF ‘SINNERS’
Going further to know the extent men go to ‘punish’ their wives by engaging in extra-marital affairs, we were able to bump in to ‘La Tropicana’ resort; a popular posh relaxation center in the highbrow Victoria Island of Lagos where we met with the group of ‘seven wise men’. All but one had a mistress attached to his side as they grant our request for an interview with them. They all come down to the relaxation center every day after work to ‘cool off’ and have a nice time from home every day from Monday to Friday. On Saturdays, they meet there as early as noon to gist and keep abreast of new things in the world especially on sports where they watch the English Barclays Premier League. But on this occasion, we were all watching the ‘el Classico’ together.
Kola, one of the seven, explained why they had gathered there and why they only gathered from Mondays to Saturdays and why they would not be available for the same gathering on Sundays: to go to Church and pray for forgiveness since they are in the ‘league of sinners’ who keep a wife at home and enjoy the services of younger, and often fresher women outside, and ‘for God to give them one last chance to commit one last sin before they eventually make it right with their dear wives’.
Like they call them in some other climes, he “Yoruba demons” in these men were strongly at play, but the only difference about this is that other tribes were well represented in this ‘league of sinners’. Gregg spoke with us as he sips from his cup amidst a shout of goal. He was jubilating to Jordi Alba’s goal against Real Madrid as Barcelona edge past their hosts one nil. He is a Barca fan.
“You see, Daniels (referring to me), we are actually doing our wife good o, believe me for sure. In fact, as we are having our nice time out here, we also allow them have their own nice time out too. Life is too short to not enjoy life. Enjoy life my man”, he quipped, as he kissed his mistress beside him, pouring a content of the drink in his mouth in hers. They both smiled.
As the evening progresses, a beautiful young woman in her late twenties or early thirties came to join our party. She is the one Smart was waiting for (Smart was the guy who was yet to have his “mulatto” with him when we arrived. We later knew they referred to their mistresses by this name). She and Smart worked together in the same firm, and was a personal assistant to him before she eventually got promoted, something he helped secured for his mistress.
Flaunting the wedding ring on the fourth finger in her left hand, we asked to know if they (she and Smart) were married to each other. They laughed the question over as Smart signaled to us to let the question pass. We did, but he was benevolent enough to let us know they are both married but not to each other. He is just a ‘helper’ who is “helping her husband loosen the nuts and bolts around there”. He further added that her husband “should be thankful to him for making the job easier when he wants to swim”. We bided them well and took our leave, but it was not after we found out that he (Smart) was the one who footed fifty percent of her marriage expenses and even gifted the couple a car. It was the same car the woman drove in to meet us at the party!
THE FACEBOOK EFFECT
One thing Facebook does is that it helps us connect with the people in our lives. It is the first thing you see when you type the site’s web address in a web browser search console, and one thing the social networking site aims to do better. Realistically, it has also helped increase infidelity in homes across the state, according to Alfa Rabiu Azeez of the Nasrul-Lahi Fathi Society of Nigeria (NASFAT); Lagos branch, who highlights the dangers the social networking site pose to marital homes that have either of the two parties addicted to it.
Traversing the entire length and breadth of the state, we met with young Mariam and Quadri in Ilasamaja area of the state. The duo got engaged in May 2018 but less than a year after, cases of infidelity is set to drown their love story.
Mariam, a former Christian named Mary before marrying Quadri and accepting to change her name, has been very active on the social networking site. She agreed to using the site for her tailoring work while her husband believed there is much more to the story than she reports.According to the man, on two different occasions, he has caught his wife red-handed ‘sex-chatting’ with another man, even as she keeps her nudes on her phones, something she denied having ever done.
As blame trading got its foot on the couple, other couple joined as well to report this new trend of married women sending their nudes to ‘young boys on Facebook’. Emeka is one of such men whose wives have at one time or the other sent nudes to ‘boys on Facebook’.
“It was my younger brother that first reported the issue to me and I confronted her to know if it’s true or not but she denied it. But as my brother kept talking about it, I had to take action myself because I know my brother and my wife to be good friends. They talk a lot, so I wondered why he could have suddenly said this grievous thing about her. So I had to take action”. He said the action he took involved him impersonating the ‘boy’ his wife always sends nudes to through the help of his brother who has access to his wife’s phone and worked in one of the shops in Computer Village where they repair phones.
“I just have everything to thank my brother for about this issue because he made it very easy for me. In fact, the way he worked, you would think he is a detective. But at the end of it all, I was able to get the truth and my wife pleaded with me not to try such again. I believe her. She has changed”, he added.
But the issue of sharing one’s nudes on the social networking side and sex-chatting is not only limited to women, as several cases abound of men sending numerous pictures of their privates to women’s inboxes on the platform, and was a serious case some time ago when one Ngozi Cleopatra exposed the men who have been sending her nudes on Facebook and called them out with attached evidences of their advances towards her. At that time, we can recall that several homes were almost in ruins as other women followed suit to join her to expose the shame of such men.
As Lagos continues to wake up earlier before its peers, so is its people’s sexual desire. It is always aroused earlier than is necessary and that sometimes even in the darkest places. Afrilens News is set to bring to you more gory details of the sexual infidelity going on in Lagos streets and homes. Stay tuned and watch for further updates.
By: Abiodun Olumide Daniels and Charity Ndukwe for Afrilens News.
Disclaimer: ALL THE NAMES IN THIS ARTICLE HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITIES OF THE PEOPLE WE INTERVIEWED. NONE OF THEM IS YOUR CLOSE-DOOR NEIGHBOUR; AT LEAST FOR NOW AND THE SAKE OF THIS ARTICLE.